I miss my midwives. The sweet, nurturing care they provided through my pregnancy and labor with Madelyn was amazing. But this pregnancy has been nothing like the last. Of course not. My body is working overtime to grow two babies...but still, it's been difficult to grasp.
We found out quite early that we were pregnant - at about 3 weeks. I started getting sick soon after. Not just sick but hugging the toilet and wanting to sleep all day sick. This went on for several weeks until finally I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. I tried everything to relieve it. Herbal teas, eating small and frequent meals, acupuncture and rest. But, in the end, I followed the midwife suggestions and started using a medicine pump. This was quite the experience. You'd think having been through natural childbirth that I could handle poking myself with a tiny needle every three days to change the medicine pump but no, I'm actually a bit of a wimp. My dad had to do it for me! So every three days he'd come over and stick my belly with a needle to change the medicine. I wore a fanny pack for three weeks- that's right, a fanny pack full of medicine.
It helped. I was able to continue working. The children in my classroom were in awe of my growing belly and attached fanny pack.
During my pregnancy with Madelyn, I was sick in the first trimester but never quite this sick. And it really hasn't stopped.
Soon after removing the fanny pack, we found out we were having twins. Ah, now that explains it. Well, a little bit at least. I was feeling better but still often nauseous and getting sick. I seemed to catch every bug that came my way and ended up in the hospital FOUR times to get hydrated.
In November, I was 5 months pregnant. My belly was rapidly growing, I was exhausted all the time, and still getting sick. I was told to cut back to part time at work. Teaching 3-6 year olds is demanding on anyone and I could really feel it taking a toll. Then in January, I was put on bed rest....and here I am.
When we found out about the twins, we had to switch to high risk doctors. It was tough to walk away from my midwives! Then I realized I was going to have to start thinking about how we would deliver these babes. Let me just say, I have ALWAYS felt that women should be able to choose their birthing experience. I have nothing against women who opt for use of medicine or choose a scheduled C-section. It is an extremely personal experience that a woman never forgets, she should decide how to experience it. That being said, I'm very passionate about natural childbirth. It is such an amazing thing that our bodies are capable of....and what an empowering moment. To have total control of your body, to feel and understand what your baby is experiencing in such an intense way. I wouldn't change Madelyn's birth for anything!
But what about Henry and Clara....how will they come into the world? C-section. That's right. My doctors feel it's the best way since Henry is head down and Clara is head up. It's actually a less risky birth experience than a vaginal twin delivery. But - I am freaked out!
I am so nervous about the whole experience. To have a shot in the spine- OUCH! To feel pressure and pulling but to have zero control over the situation - OUCH! And then, to possibly have the babies taken away as soon as they are born - it's too much to think about. I want to snuggle Henry and Clara the moment they enter the world, I want to begin nursing as soon as possible, I want to have them near me as soon as possible.
So now I have to decide how to prepare for this new experience. Can I use some of the hypnobirthing techniques I used for Madelyn's birth? Will I be able to remain calm and peaceful throughout? How do I overcome these fears?
With all this in my mind, I haven't even had time to freak out about bringing two babies home!